Managing your child's behaviour

All behaviour has a reason behind it. Children like feeling motivated and reassured. Nobody enjoys feeling worried or afraid. 

Your child’s condition might make it harder for them to know what behaviour is appropriate. 

Look for the reasons behind your child’s behaviour. Then you can plan a behaviour management strategy for home and school.

There are lots of reasons for behaviour, and you might not be able to change all of them. 

See if you can find ways to help your child feel:

• valued
• confident
• connected
• independent

Look for things that trigger behaviour. These could be things your child does or things that happen to your child. Keeping a behaviour diary might help. Write down:

• the date and time
• sensory factors, such as light and sound
• the behaviour
• what happened before
• any consequences

Download a trigger diary

Look for other triggers such as feeling frustrated, angry, hungry or tired. What your child eats could also be important.

Diet and behaviour in childhood (BBC Good Food)

Being consistent helps children to know what behaviour is appropriate.

Tell anyone who looks after your child what the rules are. Make sure that your child knows them too. Make time to chat about them as a family but try not to make it feel like a meeting. 

If you can, choose a time when your child is having a better day. Aim to include your child when you set rules.

Make a list of rules and put them in a place where your child can find them. If they’re young, you could ask them to draw a picture for each rule.

Praise and encouragement should be specific. Try to give praise while your child still remembers what they were doing. This can be hard when you are tired.

Look for ways to work together, so that you and the school can manage your child’s behaviour consistently.

This could be:

• after you find out about an upsetting incident and have had time to think
• at the beginning of term

You could also ask to meet more often if you need to. You could talk about:

• your child’s strengths
• making adjustments at school, for example being able to play with their favourite thing during quiet times, taking breaks or making things less stimulating
• ways for your child to tell the teacher how they are feeling
• anything that your child’s teacher has noticed

You could also talk about ways to keep your child motivated in school.

Keeping your child motivated in school

Special educational needs

Special educational needs (SEN) support includes looking at:

• how your child interacts
• their social, emotional and mental health needs

Your child’s SEN Support plan can include behaviour strategies. It can state how school will meet the needs of your child that trigger behaviours. 

SEN Support

If SEN support is not enough to meet the needs of your child, you could ask the school to review it. If that does not work, you could ask for an education, health and care (EHC) plan assessment. You can ask the school or apply directly to your local authority.

Apply for an EHCP

SEN support and EHC plans can both include training for staff on how to manage your child’s condition.

If there has been an incident, wait until you feel calmer. If talking to your child’s class teacher does not work, try talking to someone more senior. Follow the school’s complaints procedure. This should be published on their website. This will mean complaining in writing to:

1. the head teacher
2. the school’s governors or academy trustees

If following the school’s complaints procedure does not work, you can complain to the Department for Education (DfE).

Complain about a school or childminder (GOV.UK)

Talk to your child about what behaviour is and is not acceptable.

Being on the same team as your child will make it easier to share responsibility and solve the problem.

Talk to your child’s paediatrician and NHS multidisciplinary disability team about any support that they can provide.

Clubs and groups

Going to clubs outside school could help your child to:

• get the support they need 
• make friends

Talk to other parents in Scope’s online community

Being a parent can be hard. Looking after your mental health and wellbeing is important. Everyone manages their mental health differently. 

If you need support, here are some things you could try:

Managing your mental health 

Support groups for parents

Helping your disabled child sleep

If your child's behaviour is causing you concern or is becoming violent, talk to:

PEGS (Parental Education Growth Support)

The Challenging Behaviour Foundation