“Everyone's entitled to go to bed with whoever they want.”

In some ways, disabled people and LGBTQ+ people share common experiences. And in other aspects, both identities are completely unique. In a series of real-life stories, Mandie, Sophie, and Damian share what it’s like to be a part of both communities.

What community means to LGBTQ+ disabled people

For me, a community is a place where I can fully belong without separating parts of my identity.  My journey to find one has been full of both discovery and disappointment.

I've chosen to surround myself with LGBTQ+ individuals as support workers. This isn’t just for comfort, it's also an example of the power of understanding and shared experiences. This decision underscores a broader truth, that inclusivity must be intentional. It should be cultivated in every space. From our closest circles, to the broader expanse of society.

Experiencing and challenging desexualization

I wasn’t held back from exploring my sexuality. But I’ll admit, I was slowed down.

I looked for spaces where disabled and non-disabled people come together to form a positive culture around sex. Since then, I’ve found an environment that celebrates difference and diversity in this way.

Everyone's entitled to date. Everyone's entitled to go to bed with whoever they want, however they want to go to bed with them. But it's never something that's talked about for disabled people. It’s always just ‘you're disabled, so you mustn't have sex.’

Making sex education disability-inclusive

In school, I was taught basic sex education. I wasn’t taught how to look differently at the way disabled people might interact with somebody in this way.

There's a silence around disability and sexuality. It's perpetuated by inadequate education, both formal and informal. The need for comprehensive sex education, inclusive of all identities and abilities, is critical.

It's not just about inclusion in teaching plans. It's also about creating an environment where differences are celebrated. Diverse experiences should be recognised as integral to our collective human story.

Redefining support for a more inclusive society

Caregivers need to learn how to support all kinds of human needs and desires. This kind of comprehensive education requires knowledge and empathy.

I hope for a world where accessibility and understanding are not afterthoughts. Instead, they're foundational elements of all community spaces and services. To reach a world that embraces our whole identities, we need to redefine what that support looks like.

There's a path towards more holistic care. This could include the role of sex surrogates, and more informed personal assistants and support workers. Education in these roles must extend beyond functional assistance. It must include an understanding of disability, sexuality, and intimacy.

In sharing my story, I invite you to advocate for a more inclusive, understanding, and equitable society. Together, we can dismantle the barriers that divide us, building a world that celebrates diversity in all its forms. There, every individual is seen, heard, and valued.

Happy LGBTQ+ Pride Month! If you’d like to join disabled people and their allies in celebrating Pride, visit our online community.