I worry about what people will think about me being a disabled mum

My name is Kat, and I have cerebral palsy. I’m a wheelchair user, and I found out I was expecting my first child in September 2020. I couldn’t leave home at the time because of the pandemic and my vulnerability. While I was thrilled to be having a baby, it came at an isolating time.

The most difficult thing about being pregnant was the lack of information readily available for people like me. The NHS couldn’t answer a lot of my questions about who could support me, and aids and adaptations that might be useful to me. I was lucky to have friends with similar conditions, so they were able to give me some really useful advice as well as point me in the direction of organisations that could help.

I had to do a lot of my own research to feel prepared.

There wasn’t a lot of professional knowledge about disabled couples having children, in my experience. Midwives asked a lot of questions about my disability, but also my husband’s. It made me quite nervous.

I feel like I’ve always had to work even harder than most to prove myself as a good parent.

I had my son, Alex, in May 2021. He’s 16 months old now, and being a mum is a dream come true. What I’ve learned about being a parent is that love comes first. My disability is irrelevant to the kind of parent I am and want to be. When there’s something I think I can’t do, I find a way to make it work. We also have a very strong support system of family and friends who have been wonderful.

In the future, I worry that Alex might be affected by negative attitudes at school and from his peers. I’ll do my best to answer all of his questions and support him. I’ll even be happy to go and talk to the other children at school. I think by answering their questions, they’ll be more understanding.

I hope that when he’s older, he knows that he can come to me about anything.

I worry a little about what other parents in the playground might think, but I hope they can see that I’m just as good a parent as them. They might not see many disabled parents, and might not understand what it’s like for us. Disabled or not, nothing will stop me from doing the best for my son.

I want non-disabled people to really understand how loved our children are. We’re no less of parents because of being disabled. I’d also like to see us thought of and considered more. For example, I’ve never seen a wheelchair accessible shopping trolley that also has a child seat. I think there should also be more information available to disabled parents, both before and after they have a baby. Even things like where to access prams that can be attached to a wheelchair would be really useful.

I want to see disabled parents considered more when it comes to accessibility and attitudes.

For disabled people that want to have children, I want them to know that simply being disabled shouldn’t stop them. Anything is possible, especially with a supportive network around you. All parents need help and support, not just disabled ones.

Being a mum to Alex is so rewarding. The love I have for him, and our bond, is so strong. I wouldn’t change it for the world.